In the Aftermath of Tragedy...What To Do #7

Many years ago, I went through a time of compounded losses.  Looking back, I still call it “The year of the big black cloud.”  That’s a kind description.  The true pain cannot be put into words.

When our baby was sick, friends and family poured in to help.  When he died, they were there.  When my husband walked out one month after burying our baby, the phone and doorbell were silent.  Our friends didn’t know what to say so they didn’t.

To be fair, I wasn’t much fun!  Phone calls were meant with yes and no answers and a lot of silence.  But I was still lonely.  I needed tools to use during my lonely hours to keep them from becoming dysfunctional.  I also needed to learn how to reach out, even when I didn’t want to.

What to Do When Nothing Can Be Done.

7. 7. Reach Out. One sign that life will go on whether or not you want it to is when your need for people is bigger than your loneliness and fears.  That is your cue that it is time to reach out.

One problem you face is who to connect with.  Remember you are vulnerable.  When you are in this stage, there is danger of lifelong problems such as substance abuse or promiscuity.  These leave you with an even bigger hole in your heart.

Your lifelong friends are usually the safest; but unless they have suffered a great loss, they won’t really understand. Involve them anyway (just don’t overdo it), but don’t stop there.

Join support groups of people facing a similar loss.  They are everywhere, but finding them is sometimes difficult.  Your local library will have a community directory to guide you.  If your loss is death, ask your support mortuaries, hospices, or compassionate friends.  If addiction was involved (you, your spouse, or your loved one), check out 12-step programs.  They have a group for almost any problem.  Check out http://www.christianrecovery.org/ or http://www.aa.org.  If abuse was involved, RUN to the nearest support group.  Most large churches offer divorce and grief recovery programs.  Google the dynamics of your loss to find the right match.

How do you know if the person or group is safe?  You don’t always.  Do two things: 

1. 1. Trust what your “gut” is telling you.  No matter how much you don’t want to talk about it or be there, something deep inside you will say, “This is right.”  Doing what is right doesn’t always “feel good.”
2. 2.Trust those who love you.  If you only confide in one person, you will wear that person out.  Grief is painful; it comes in waves; and it wasn’t meant to be borne alone. Find two or three safe friends, and run all of your ideas and findings by them.  They will tell you if you are on the right track.

As I promised, I will offer one pointer each day over the next few weeks for “What to do when nothing can be done.”  Check the other entries or archives for what you might have missed.  When school begins again in January, I will turn the focus to schools. 

Lockett Learning offers a wide array of resources to help you and your children deal with grief. 

Check out our grief-related Hard Copy Books and Tapes:

Lockett Learning Systems

Check out our grief-related E-Books:

Understanding Grief in Children

6 Questions Children Ask About Death...and How to Answer Them

Surviving Separation and Divorce...How to Keep Going When You Don’t Really Want To

“Like” our Divorce and Grief Recovery Facebook Page.

In the Aftermath of Tragedy...What To Do #6

When we have lost a loved one, we tend to emotionally go back in time to when that person wasn’t in our lives.  When a spouse dies, for example, the surviving spouse may find it hard to be with the children they created and, instead, connect with siblings.  It is as if we just don’t know how to function in our daily routine without the missing person.

This is normal grief.  It is part of the stage we call “denial.”  We cannot envision life without our loved one so we have to go back to something that was comfortable (even if dysfunctional) to us before we knew him/her.  One anonymous adult child commented, “He left us for his sisters, and he didn’t even like them!”

As we grieve our loss, we learn how to cherish a memory and connect with those we love who are part of our lives together.  To do that, we must learn to face our loneliness.

What to Do When Nothing Can Be Done.

6. 6. Face Loneliness. One certain emotion that accompanies the aftermath of tragedy is guilt.  We need to learn to deal with guilt and to decipher it.  Sometimes when we feel guilty, we are really lonely.  When emotion overwhelms us, we need to take time to be alone to think, read, cry, and pray.  Then we can reach out in a healthy way.

I have found that the fear of loneliness is actually worse than facing it.  In the days and weeks leading up to a major event (birthday, holiday, celebration), we dread having to do it alone.  Our imaginations go wild.  By the time the event arrives, it is usually so much tamer than what we had imagined that we get through it without a problem.

So what do we do when our emotions go crazy?  Do what feeds you emotionally.  For me, it is writing.  I can “cry on paper” as I write letters to my love or to God or as I simply ramble and splash down my random thoughts.  This gets the pain out of me so there is a little breathing room.  Then I do it again.

For you, it might be music or art or dance.  The key is to do what feeds you emotionally as you let the tears flow.  Tears were meant to be cried.

Find peace in your lonely hours!

As I promised, I will offer one pointer each day over the next few weeks for “What to do when nothing can be done.”  Check the other entries or archives for what you might have missed.  When school begins again in January, I will turn the focus to schools. 

Lockett Learning offers a wide array of resources to help you and your children deal with grief. 

Check out our grief-related Hard Copy Books and Tapes:

Lockett Learning Systems

Check out our grief-related E-Books:

Understanding Grief in Children

6 Questions Children Ask About Death...and How to Answer Them

Surviving Separation and Divorce...How to Keep Going When You Don’t Really Want To

“Like” our Divorce and Grief Recovery Facebook Page.

 

 

In the Aftermath of Tragedy...What To Do #5

“Co-dependency” is a buzz word these days.  When a friend read Melanie Beattie’s book Co-Dependent No More, he said it was really depressing because he realized he was hopelessly co-dependent forever. 

When we think of co-dependency we often think of it as kindness and consideration.  These are virtues.  When you lose yourself being kind and considerate of others, though, you become their “co-dependent,” and you keep them stuck.

My working definition:  Any time you do for someone else what they can and should do for themselves, you turn them into your dependent children.  You no longer function as adult to adult.  You assume a responsibility that rightfully belongs to them.  We are responsible for our dependent children.  We are responsible to the adults in our lives. 

What to Do When Nothing Can Be Done.

5. 5. Let Go. There is a time to quit.  We don’t always know when it is.  It can be gut-wrenching because we care so deeply.  It can be maddening because we are so angry about what happened.  But when we are powerless, there comes a time when we must walk away. 

It’s a little bit like forgiveness.  Failing to let go (or forgive) is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.  Forgiveness is giving up our “right” to hit back.  We have suffered a great wrong.  We finally work through our anger, fears, and control issues to the point that we can trust the universe...or God as we understand him (or her!)...or society to take care of things simply because we are both powerless and tired.

God, grant me the serenity to

Accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can, and

The wisdom to know the difference!

–Reinhold Niebuhr

To your freedom!  To your peace of mind!  Let it go.

As I promised, I will offer one pointer each day over the next few weeks for “What to do when nothing can be done.”  Check the other entries or archives for what you might have missed.  When school begins again in January, I will turn the focus to schools. 

Lockett Learning offers a wide array of resources to help you and your children deal with grief.  Thursday and Friday, we will offer our Kindle book Understanding Grief in Children as a free download.  Saturday and Sunday, we will offer a free download of our Kindle book 6 Questions Children Ask About Death.

Check out our grief-related Hard Copy Books and Tapes:

Lockett Learning Systems

Check out our grief-related E-Books:

Understanding Grief in Children

6 Questions Children Ask About Death...and How to Answer Them

Surviving Separation and Divorce...How to Keep Going When You Don’t Really Want To

“Like” our Divorce and Grief Recovery Facebook Page.

In the Aftermath of Tragedy...What To Do #4

I work with schools to help them create support programs for their students who are considered by some as “at-risk.”  Others call these same students “at-promise.”  The key is “resilience:” the ability to survive and cope with whatever life gives you and emerge stronger.  We who promote the theory of resilience believe we can learn and grow through any life circumstance.  We do not negate, justify, or excuse the horror of events like the massacre at Sandy Hook.  We face the truth.  But we also don’t give up on our dreams or compromise our values because of it; we become stronger. Key #4 helps you with that.   

What to Do When Nothing Can Be Done.

4. 4. Remember. We have all had our hearts broken.  Few people look deeply into grief, though, without having had a major loss.  Mine came as a young mother.  My second child was born hydrocephalic.  He only lived 4 1/2 months.  In the aftermath of his death, my home fell apart.  My 2 1/2-year-old son and I picked up the pieces of our lives and started over.

Leading up to what would have been Justin’s first birthday, my psychologist asked how I would spend the day.  I said, “I’m going to close my eyes and hope, somehow, that the day will end.”  He replied, “The day will happen whether or not you face it.  If you could forget Justin, you could forget Jeff.  You owe it to your living son to face the day and celebrate the child that graced your home, even though it was for too short a while.”

That began my life-long quest to believe that life, however short or seemingly hopeless, is worthwhile.  It took completing what I refer to as my “grief work,” but I can honestly say today that I’m proud I got to be Justin’s mom...even for a little while.  Writing my first book and crying a mountain of tears transformed Justin from my tragedy on earth into my treasure in Heaven. 

We hesitate to talk about a sad event because we are afraid of our own tears and afraid of making others sad.  But the alternative is what grief specialists call “Denial.”  The natural grief stage of denial is the way we cope, but if it lasts too long we blind ourselves to the dangers and ignore the necessity of prevention.  There is danger that copycat tragedies will occur.  As horrible as the events like Sandy Hook are, we must remember them.  If we don’t, we don’t set up mechanisms to deter them from happening again.

One thing I’ve learned is...the only thing worse than mentioning a lost loved one in a crowd that may bring sadness is remembering that person in a crowd, alone, and believing that you are the only one who misses your loved one or who cares.

You can’t forget, so plan to remember.  Find a time each day...or week...that you can devote to your memories.  Setting aside a special time will give you the strength to get through the rest of your day...most of the time.

As I promised, I will offer one pointer each day over the next few weeks for “What to do when nothing can be done.”  Check the other entries or archives for what you might have missed.  When school begins again in January, I will turn the focus to schools. 

Lockett Learning offers a wide array of resources to help you and your children deal with grief.  Thursday and Friday, we will offer our Kindle book Understanding Grief in Children as a free download.

Check out our grief-related Hard Copy Books and Tapes:

Lockett Learning Systems

Check out our grief-related E-Books:

Understanding Grief in Children

6 Questions Children Ask About Death...and How to Answer Them

Surviving Separation and Divorce...How to Keep Going When You Don’t Really Want To

“Like” our Divorce and Grief Recovery Facebook Page.

In the Aftermath of Tragedy...What To Do #3

When our hearts are broken, we feel so powerless.  Nothing can be done to change our circumstances.  But some things can be done to change us. 

Our nation’s hearts are broken because of the tragedy that occurred last week at Sandy Hook Elementary School.  As I promised, I will offer one pointer each day over the next few weeks for “What to do when nothing can be done.”  Check the other entries or archives for what you might have missed.  When school begins again in January, I will turn the focus to schools. 

What to Do When Nothing Can Be Done.

3.  Talk. Okay, okay, it’s true.  Some of us talk too much.  Others are repulsed by those to do so they don’t talk at all.  Both extremes are unhealthy.  But...until the pain comes out, healing cannot come in.  Find safe people, and talk about your circumstances, your feelings, and your fears. 

We all have friends who were hurting and said awful things to us.  They got us all riled up and emotional.  Then they walked away feeling better and we were left with their pain.  This isn’t “talking;” this is “dumping.”  Don’t “dump” on your friends.  Do that on paper and throw it away.  But do talk.

When you talk, you are honest about your pain.  Tears may flow.  When you dump, you are angry about your pain and want others to hurt with and for you.

When you talk, you cry heart tears.  When you dump, you cry head tears.

When you talk, you make yourself vulnerable and admit your own short-comings.  When you dump, you make yourself sound perfect and the other guy is 100% guilty.  In our Divorce and Grief Recovery program, we tell people, “You own 100% of your guilt, even if it was only 5% of the problem.  You own 0% of the guilt that belongs to the other guy.  Don’t get them confused.”

Grief recovery classes will help you with healthy “talking.”  You are grouped with people going through similar situations and they guide you with discussion and journal topics.  Find a class near you!

So move quickly from the head to the heart!  Talk!  Talk!  Talk!

Lockett Learning offers a wide array of resources to help you and your children deal with grief.  Thursday and Friday, we will offer our Kindle book Understanding Grief in Children as a free download.

Check out our grief-related Hard Copy Books and Tapes:

Lockett Learning Systems

Check out our grief-related E-Books:

Understanding Grief in Children

6 Questions Children Ask About Death...and How to Answer Them

Surviving Separation and Divorce...How to Keep Going When You Don’t Really Want To

“Like” our Divorce and Grief Recovery Facebook Page.

In the Aftermath of Tragedy...What To Do #2

Although grief is not a new topic to me, it isn’t one I usually talk about during the holidays.  We want to think fun!  We want to think of celebration.  But tragedy during the holidays causes us to wonder if we will ever celebrate again.  Our nation’s hearts are broken because of the tragedy that occurred last week at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

As I promised, I will offer one pointer each day over the next few weeks for “What to do when nothing can be done.”  Check the other entries or archives for what you might have missed.  When school begins again in January, I will turn the focus to schools. 

What to Do When Nothing Can Be Done.

2. 2. Cry. You may be thinking, “Duh!”  But it’s strange how hard it is to cry from our gut.  Oh, we cry angry tears well; we cry frustrated tears well; we sometimes even cry because we are happy.  But the “gut” tears...those that cleanse our soul, release our sorrow, and make a little room for joy...those are hard tears to cry. 

Some of us were punished for crying as children, “Suck it up, or I’ll give you something to cry about;” or “Big boys don’t cry.”  Some authorities say that women mask anger with tears and men mask tears with anger.

Even at the national level we struggle with tears.  We heard a lot about New York on 9/11.  The country came together in an amazing way.  We grieved.  We, as a nation cried “gut” tears. 

But the Pentagon?  We heard nothing!  I had the privilege of sending copies of my book Take My Hand:  Guiding Your Child Through Grief to those who cared for a child orphaned in 9/11.  New York expressed thanks; the Pentagon was silent (I’m not complaining; I didn’t need thanks; it was so little a gift in the midst of the devastation!).  I meant a pentagon worker a couple of years later and asked if they were recovering.  She said the attitude at the Pentagon was, “If anyone should take a hit for America, it’s us.  We’re just doing our job.  Keep quiet, and keep working.” 

It sounds noble, but I have to admit I worry.  Tears are a gift to wash away our pain and sorrow.  They were meant to be cried.  My friend and co-author Dick Innes says that “every unshed tear is a prism through which all of life’s heartaches are distorted.” 

How do we cry our “gut” tears?  All I have to do is look at a photo of the 28-year-old teacher who gave her life to save her children, and the tears come.  I can’t even think about the children without tears flowing.  They’re flowing now.  Writing is a good way to put words to your tears.  Whatever works for you, find a safe time and place, and cry!  Cry from your gut! 

I know...I know.  You’re afraid to cry.  Tragedies like these are so non-sensical that you are afraid if you stop running, you’ll have to think.  If you think, you’ll have to feel.  If you feel, you’ll have to cry.  If you cry, you can never quit...so you keep busy.

You won’t really cry forever, but you will find an amazing release when you do cry.  Let the tears begin!

Lockett Learning offers a wide array of resources to help you and your children deal with grief.  Wednesday and Thursday, we will offer our Kindle book Understanding Grief in Children as a free download.

Check out our grief-related Hard Copy Books and Tapes:

Lockett Learning Systems

Check out our grief-related E-Books:

Understanding Grief in Children

6 Questions Children Ask About Death...and How to Answer Them

Surviving Separation and Divorce...How to Keep Going When You Don’t Really Want To

In the Aftermath of Tragedy...What To Do #1

There is something so inherently wrong about innocent children being killed.  There is something so inherently wrong about violence of any kind.  Our nation’s hearts are broken because of the tragedy that occurred last week at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

And it’s the Christmas season.  Somehow, violence during this holy time of the year falls black against the shining backdrop of love, giving, joy, and peace.  It is even more unconscionable. 

Yet happen it did.  Tragedies in our lives, in our homes, in our schools, in our nations are a reality.  Our goal must always be prevention.  Our reaction must always be resilience.  Our action must always be an almost divine commitment to making our world a better place.

I will offer one pointer each day over the next few weeks for “What to do when nothing can be done.”  When school begins again in January, I will turn the focus to schools. 

What to Do When Nothing Can Be Done.

1. 1. Know God (however you understand the concept) loves you even when you cannot feel it, even when you cannot see it, even when you don’t feel you deserve it, even when you are angry at him, and even when you feel unloveable.

This is a strange statement coming from a public school forum because we hold such diverse belief systems.  Even the statement, in the context of violence, may make you angry.  That’s okay.  Opening this door opens you to hope...even when you’re angry.  It paves the way for truth; and truth, however brutal, is a powerful ally.  It leads us to our special way to bettering our world...but it will take time!

Begin a dialogue with God today.  Tell him your truth.

Lockett Learning offers the following resources to help you deal with grief:

Hard Copy Books and Tapes:

Lockett Learning Systems

E-Books:

Understanding Grief in Children

6 Questions Children Ask About Death...and How to Answer Them

Surviving Separation and Divorce...How to Keep Going When You Don’t Really Want To

 

What To Do When You See The Signs...

Have you noticed that...

Things start to get a little crazy on campus as we approach Halloween?...

Things on campus stay a little crazy until Christmas break...

Things get a little crazy on campus during football or basketball season...

Then there’s the time leading up to Prom night...

And, of course, every campus is blessed with “senioritis.” 

Have you noticed that, when you work with students, life can be a little crazy?  I used to tell my tutors that if they weren’t having problems, I wouldn’t believe they were actually working with children.  Both the beauty and the frustration of teaching is that, at the same time, it can be both structured and unpredictable.  Working with children certainly can’t be programmed in a neat little package.  Schools that endeavor to put children in a “learning box” and ask all teachers to do things the same way are destined to failure.  Teachers in these settings lose their creativity and passion.

So...leading up to the holiday season, here are four guidelines for what to do when you observe a student’s behavior that causes you to question:

1. 1. Talk About It.  I remember receiving student essays and thinking, “S/he must not have wanted me to read that.”  I now know those students are actually begging someone to be brave enough to ask questions.  It is their cry for help.  I always feel inadequate and overwhelmed with I think of delving into another’s life crisis, but I also always find a strength or resource I didn’t know I had when I jump in.
2. 2.Talk It Over With a Supervisor.  You never violate confidentiality when you discuss a concern with a supervisor in an effort to determine your course of action.  One teacher I know suspected child abuse and started to talk to her principal.  The principal said, “Stop.  If you tell me what I think you will, you need to know that I will report it, and that child will be taken from his home.  You will go with me to court to make that happen.”  She said, “I don’t believe children should be separated from their parents so I won’t tell you.”  Within the next week, that child was badly bruised from physical abuse.  When she saw that, she found within her the strength to do what had to be done.  When abuse and dysfunction are involved, pretending you don’t see the signs doesn’t make them go away.  Most of our children don’t need help this drastically; but when they do, we are mandated reporters and we must act. 
3. 3.“Carefront.”  This is the process of student confrontation we use in SCORE.  From research, we learn that the “unwilling/unable” student needs you to “shoot straight.”  They also need you to care.  Don’t talk around the issue; tell the student what you see.  As you talk, write it down so they can both see and hear it.  Talk in three columns:  Before, Now, and Now Then....  “Now Then” is their commitment with you for an acceptable compromise as they work through their current crisis.  Offer to help them through their circumstance (tutorials, grief counseling, twelve steps, etc.), and give them referrals to other sources of help.
4. 4.Remember Love.  It’s strange that we teachers who have devoted our lives to molding the lives of another generation don’t often talk about loving our students.  I had to learn it in therapy, not in my education classes.  In the aftermath of a time of loss in my life, the therapist said, “You need someone to love...to invest in.  Who do you love?”  I responded, “My son.”  He replied, “Yes, and you’re smothering the poor child.  Love your students!”  I did, and my teaching will never be the same!

How Do You Recognize a Student At Risk?

Every student is high-risk at some time in life.  The question is not “Whether,” it’s “When?”  The more important question is “What will we do about it when...?”

One of my SCORE students had been doing well.  We worked from off-campus with him, and he was a senior getting ready to graduate.  We held an advisory session with him in December, before Christmas vacation.  He was on track.  Imagine our shock and chagrin, then, when we got a call from his mother in May saying he wouldn’t graduate.

Of course we checked it out immediately!  He was failing his senior history requirement.  His teacher said he returned from Christmas vacation a different person.  She noticed the change in him and suspected he was on drugs.  She didn’t know what to do about it so she allowed him to sit in class from January until May without doing anything!

Two great tragedies occurred in this situation:  1.  A student failed unnecessarily; and 2.  A good teacher didn’t know what to do so did nothing! 

If a student is on drugs, that student does not get better if we pretend we don’t see.  When a student is in crisis (i.e. high-risk), that student needs help to get through.  Ignoring a behavior does not make it go away. 

How can we tell if a student is in crisis?  Here are the obvious signs...please don’t overlook them:

1. • Any major change in behavior.
2. • Glazed eyes.
3. • Inability to sit still.
4. • Excessive sleepiness or yawning.
5. • Attitude that says, “I don’t care.”
6. • Poor hygiene.
7. • Poor eye contact.
8. • Missed assignments.
9. • Excessive absences or tardiness.

Yikes!  I’m realizing I could go on all day...but this is just a blog.  You get the idea.  If what you see touches an emotion (empathy, anger, fear), listen to it.  Check it out.  You will save a student’s future...you may save a life. 

Next time, we’ll look at what to do when you see these signs of crisis.

Now, back to my student.  What happened over Christmas vacation?  Grandma died, and Grandma was just about the only person in the whole world who loved him unconditionally. 

He was grieving in January.  By May, that grief had turned into dysfunction.  Dealing with a child in grief is what we call prevention.  It has always been lest costly...in time, in money, and in lives...than cure.

Remember The “Good Old Days?”

Remember The “Good Old Days?”

Remember the "good old days" as educators? You know...the days when we taught our content and assumed students could read, write, think, and calculate well enough to master whatever we had to say.

You don't? I don't either. I've been an educator longer than most of you, and there has never been a time when I didn't have to use techniques that enabled my diverse students to master my content. The lingo will change, but the reality is the same: whatever our content, we have a responsibility to our students to develop them into literate, lifelong learners. Always have; always will.

A few years ago an article caught national attention:  “Why can’t Johnny read?”  Lockett Learning's key question is not, "Why can't Johnny read?" It is "What must we do so Johnny can read?"  Or...”How can we teach so Johnny will want to read?”

Aristotle said, “The mark of an educated mind is to be able to
entertain a thought without accepting it.”

Perhaps a more frightening question is...how will we handle it when we teach students to think only to find that they think differently than we do? It is frightening to think that they, like Aristotle, might entertain our thoughts without accepting them.

May your students challenge your thinking this year. May they cause you to rethink your premises. May they inspire you to hone your skills. May you model for them what it is to be a lifelong learner.

An A For Everyone!

An A For Everyone!

 

Check out my new e-book on Kindle:  An A For Everyone!

One of the big surprises for we teachers is that every student doesn’t learn the way we like to teach. Teaching strategies, techniques, and methodologies have to be rich and plentiful in order to bring about mastery learning for everyone.

An A Is For Everyone! offers tested strategies, teaching techniques and methodologies proven to empower English learners to achieve content mastery in academic coursework. It is based on the exemplary SCORE curriculum. These students who were never supposed to graduate from high school graduated from college! The ideas are easy to implement and effective, especially for those teaching kids with learning difficulties in the regular classroom.

Begin With The End In Mind

Begin With The End In Mind

 

One good thing about the end of a school year is you get a chance to do it better next time.  No matter how well your students performed this year, there is room to grow.  That’s where we come in.

SCORE is a systemic change program offering staff development, curricular and support materials, and technical assistance to schools in the midst of reform.

At the heart of school reform is change. We face exciting opportunities and grave challenges. We can, and we will, bring about powerful learning for every student. But we won't do it with "business as usual." We must change. We must change the way we see students. We must change the way we see ourselves. We must change the way we think about our profession. We must change the way we practice collaboration.

Truly accelerating students involves planned change. In order to bring about this change, we need to examine expectations, school climate, and school culture on our campuses. Questions about student success and failure must be asked and answered, honestly. Planned change begins with the organizational chart.

Organizational charts deal with the responsibilities of the individuals in the orga

nization as they strive to meet the common goal and enact a set of common values. SCORE’s organizational, too, chart deals with responsibility for meeting a common goal. Shown as an inverted pyramid, it is the responsibility of administrators to lift their hands in support of teachers. It is the responsibility of teachers to lift their hands in support of parents, students, and partners. It is the responsibility of parents, students, and partners to join in the cause of powerful learning in a rich curriculum for everyone.

Do you need help meeting your goals? Attend the Summer Institute and join SCORE's "Fast Track" to success.

SCORE endorses a comprehensive, holistic approach to systemic reform based on the following assumptions:

1. 1.For students to be eligible for their chosen college or career by the time they graduate from high school, they must participate in a rigorous academic studies leading to appropriate content mastery.
2. 2.If students are to be successful in these studies, they need to learn effective study skills.
3. 3.If students are to be successfully placed in a rigorous academic core curriculum, they will need academic support outside the traditional classroom.
4. 4.If high-risk students are to be successful in this curriculum, teachers must use whole-brain, state-of-the-art, multiple modality teaching techniques.
5. 5.If students are to be successful, they must recognize those elements in their lives which keep them in the downward spiral of failure; they must be provided with the means and/or tools to remove these negative elements from their lives. These negative factors include, but are not limited to, substance abuse, alcohol abuse, grief, loss, violence, gang involvement, or poor attendance.
6. 6.High-risk students, in order to be successful academically, need support from multiple sources: family, community, peers, and educators.

If any of these elements is missing from a program, the end result will be diminished. When these elements support one another toward a common goal, the results in student achievement are dramatic.

Do you need help meeting your goals? Attend the Summer Institute and join SCORE's "Fast Track" to success.

To New Beginnings!

To New Beginnings!

 

To New Beginnings...

Elaine wanted to be a coroner.  She talked about it; she dreamed of the day when she could solve the problems of the world by uncovering medical truths through autopsy. She was so enthusiastic and persistent that we created a one-person field trip for her to meet the county coroner.

Elaine had one little obstacle keeping her from reaching her dream; she struggled to earn C’s in science and math. When she graduated, I helped her with her college applications. I had to tell her that if she truly wanted medicine as a career, she would have to go to a community college to build her math and science skills before entering the university as a Biological Sciences major. She did....

As I counseled Elaine, I consulted Harvey Williams, then director of Medical School Admissions at the University of California, Irvine.  I asked Harvey when we need to tell a student they're not going to make it; they need to pursue other dreams. Harvey, as always, gave me wise advice:

"You never have that right. 
You tell them what they will have to do.
The choice is always theirs."

Harvey knows about new beginnings.  When Harvey Williams was nine years old, he and his family were accosted by members of the Ku Klux Klan.  They fled in the middle of the night, with horse and buggy carrying all their earthly possessions.  At age thirteen, Harvey Williams started school and flunked algebra –– three times!  Today, Harvey Williams holds three Ph.D's. He recently retired as Director of Admissions for the College of Medicine at the University of California, Irvine.

Harvey is one person I know who might logically hate me because of the color of my skin, but he doesn't seem to have a hate bone in his body. He is at peace with his past. It's sad. Racism is real, but we choose our reactions. Harvey has chosen to make the world a better place.

In SCORE, one of our slogans says "Never put a lid on a kid." Students will have problems as they negotiate life. They will periodically do less than they are capable of doing. They will sometimes make unwise decisions that affect them for their rest of their lives. Our role is to help them see that they have choices. In the words of Zig Ziglar, "Failure is an event; it is not a person."

How did Elaine fare? Last time I saw her, she had completed community college...taken a little detour to have a baby...and entered the University of California, Irvine, majoring in Biology!

"You tell them what they have to do. The choice is always theirs." Thanks again, Harvey.

What To Do When...Nothing Can Be Done

What To Do When...Nothing Can Be Done

 

What to Do When...Nothing Can Be Done

When our students face their life crises, we are powerless to change their circumstances. However, we are not powerless to help. Here are SCORE's Top Ten Strategies for helping a student through tough times:

1. 1.Listen. I know our time is valuable and listening isn't "fixing." But we can never fix their problems. Listening helps them find the strength to take action. Giving advice (even good advice) only makes them angry.
2. 2.Incorporate real life experiences into assignments. When they can explore their dilemma in a writing assignment, for example, they will find answers they didn't know were there.
3. 3.Be there. Jim Kok says 90% of helping is just showing up. A "thumbs up" sign, a nod, or a pat on the back may communicate far more powerfully than words.
4. 4.Take notice. Let them know you miss their comments when they are quieter than normal, their thoughtfulness when they talk aimlessly, and their presence when they are absent.
5. 5.Reach out. When they have withdrawn, sit beside them and quietly ask them for responses. When they disclose something to you, they are begging for someone to be brave enough to talk about it. Be that someone.
6. 6.Offer to accompany them. You may find they need more help than you are qualified to give. Ask if they will go with you to the school counselor or a twelve-step program. Offer to sit beside them while they talk to a parent (but don’t do the talking for them).
7. 7.Keep them focused. Life is full of tragedy, but life goes on. They must somehow learn to merge their grief or frustration with content so they stay on track academically. Teach them how to do that.
8. 8.Beef up their study skills. Learning to use powerful study skills will help your entire class! Give them skills for dealing with distracting thoughts and managing anger.
9. 9.Help them find their own answers. They get angry and shoot down all your great ideas, so don't give them! Instead, allow them to explore possibilities and find their own solutions.
10. 10.Get help. No human being can meet all his/her own needs; we fall short when we try to meet the needs of even one other person. An entire classroom? Impossible. You never violate confidence when you seek guidance from a mentor.

 

Crisis Guidelines

Crisis Guidelines

 

We are saddened and shocked by another school shooting.  Senseless violence.  Our own killing our own.  Displaced anger.  Mis-managed grief. 

We live in a time when our schools must address the issues of grief.  Today, with our condolences to the families and schools in Ohio, I will share an excerpt from our publication: Crisis, Grief, and Loss...and How to Help Your Students Through It.

In times of crisis, when nothing can be done to change the horrible facts, schools must:

Encourage academics.  Do not ignore the crisis; but keep students focused on academics.  Academics is our job.

Encourage options.  Allow flexibility in your projects.  Written assignments, for example, may deal with reactions to the crisis at hand and parallels between your topic, our current crisis, and our students’ personal experiences.

Encourage hope.  The human spirit is incredibly and wonderfully resilient.  We hurt; we’re angry; we’re afraid.  But we will overcome!

Encourage help.  Allow your classes to write letters to the families of the deceased.  Allow projects that provide food, clothing, and shelter for victims.  Endorse related humanitarian projects such as helping at a food kitchen.

Encourage healing.  Allow students to talk and write about their emotions.  Also allow them to periodically ignore what has happened and focus on their passion.

Encourage health.  Use the crisis as an incentive to increase substance abuse prevention programs.  Use your study skills curriculum to help them channel and deal with anger constructively.

Encourage truth.  Keep students informed and squelch the rumor mill.  Keep obsessions with the gory details to a minimum, but tell the truth.  We have a huge capacity to imagine horror scenarios when we don’t know what is happening.  We also have a huge capacity to deal with what is real in creative, constructive ways. 

http://www.lockettlearning.com

College or Career? What It Takes

College or Career?  What It Takes

 

Academic Ed or Vocational Ed?  So often we fight over which should prevail.  Here’s some food for thought:

Colleges want entry level freshmen who can read, write, think, and calculate at a level of content mastery in a rich curriculum. 

Businesses want entry level employees who can read, write, think, calculate, communicate effectively, and work on a team toward a goal.

We’re not really so different.  My ideal is two-fold:  1. that every student graduate eligible to enter the college or university of their choice...even if they choose not to go, and even if they choose to choose to graduate with their grandchildren; and 2. that every student graduate high school with a “sellable skill.”

Often, people ask, "What would it take for our students to be able to go to college?"

We know exactly what it would take. We don't always know how to make it happen.

1. •For students to be eligible for their chosen college or career by the time they graduate from high school, they must participate in a rich core curriculum leading to appropriate content mastery. SCORE students are placed in rigorous academic classes.
2. •If students are to be successful in these classes, they need to learn effective study skills. SCORE students are taught study skills as a formal part of the curriculum. Study skills are reinforced across the curriculum and in tutorials.
   
3. •If students are to be successfully up-placed in the curriculum, they will need academic support. Academic support is available through SCORE classes, tutorials, and group study sessions.
4. •If high-risk students are to be successful in a rich common core curriculum, teachers must use whole-brain, state-of-the-art, multiple modality teaching techniques. SCORE teachers, with study skills as a basis, use strategies that empower students and state-of-the-art methodologies.
5. •If students are to be successful in a rich academic curriculum, they must eliminate negative factors in their lives that would detract from their success. SCORE programs mentor students and enlist appropriate support networks when a student has a need that is negatively impacting academics.
6. •In order to be successful academically, students need support at all levels: family, community, peer, and education. SCORE programs foster positive peer pressure, family communication, community support, and teacher mentorship.

While we’re at it...let’s teach students to communicate effectively and to work on a team toward a goal.  That way they’ll be career-ready, too.

SCORE is committed to the ideal that all students can succeed in our rich content classes. To bring about success, SCORE endorses a comprehensive, holistic approach to educational reform, based on the above assumptions. If any of these elements is missing from a program, the end result will be diminished. When these elements support one another toward a common goal, the results in student achievement are dramatic.

Check us out!  http://www.lockettlearning.com

Love in the Classroom . The Answer to Achievement.

Love in the Classroom . The Answer to  Achievement.

 

In the first edition of Chicken Soup for the Soul, Eric Butterworth tells the story of a sociology professor in Baltimore who had his students survey boys who lived in the slums and predict their future based on sociological factors. For all 200 students, the reporter predicted, "This kid doesn't stand a chance."

Twenty-five years later, another sociology professor found the study. He had his students find the boys of the study, now adults, to see how, indeed, their lives had progressed. They were able to find 180 of the original 200; 176 of them were extraordinarily successful in their professions.

When asked, "To what do you attribute your success," they all named the same teacher.

When they interviewed the teacher, they asked her, "What magic did you weave? Those children shouldn't have made it!"

"Magic?" she asked. "There was no magic. They were mine. I loved those kids."

It seems love is the antidote to underachievement, according to Butterworth...and love is the antidote to hate crimes, according to the hero we honor this month, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Twenty-five years from now, when a student who "didn't have a chance" is asked, "To what do you attribute your success," may that student speak your name.

Learning to love my students grew out of a difficult personal time in my life. Oh, I had always "loved" my students...but I had a lot to learn about what it meant to love my students. Here are SCORE's strategies for expressing love in the classroom...the kind of love that fosters achievement, drives out fear, and transforms hate into love:

1. •Listen. It is amazing how discounted students feel because, in our busy world, no one takes the time to "listen without judgment or sermonizing." The dividends are astonishing.
2. •Pet the Dream. SCORE continuously watches as students excel, motivated by a dream and driven by a teacher who knows how to "pet the dream" to bring about achievement.
3. •"Hold Up a Mirror" when confrontation is necessary. Confrontation escalates a war. "Holding up a mirror" enables students to see themselves. When they see themselves, they gain both the will and the power to change.
4. •Work for Content Mastery, not just a passing grade.
5. •Shoot Straight. High-risk students don't respect you if you appear afraid to say what's on your mind. You need to "name the elephant" when you are dealing with issues that you believe will cause them learning or life problems.
6. •Demand Excellence. Mediocrity doesn't inspire achievement. Ask more; then empower them to succeed.
7. •Be a Parent and Mentor, Not a Friend. The SCORE motto is, "Every child deserves a pushy parent. If they don't have one, you're it!" It is great if students like you, but they must first respect you.
8. •Validate Strengths. When we hear what we do well, we do better. When we hear what we do wrong, achievement declines.
9. •

When my son entered Point Loma Nazarene University, the leader of the parent orientation said, "We admit average students here; but if we return your student as average in four years, we have failed you because we haven't added anything." I thought, "Wow! A SCORE program I had nothing to do with creating!"

May you add to your students this year until your "average" students excel...your "struggling" students become masters...and your "students with attitude" learn the magic of love.

Our workshops will help you implement these strategies. We're an e-mail away!