“Co-dependency” is a buzz word these days. When a friend read Melanie Beattie’s book Co-Dependent No More, he said it was really depressing because he realized he was hopelessly co-dependent forever.
When we think of co-dependency we often
think of it as kindness and consideration. These are virtues. When you
lose yourself being kind and considerate of others, though, you become
their “co-dependent,” and you keep them stuck.
My working definition: Any time you do for someone else what they can and should
do for themselves, you turn them into your dependent children. You no
longer function as adult to adult. You assume a responsibility that
rightfully belongs to them. We are responsible for our dependent children. We are responsible to the adults in our lives.
What to Do When Nothing Can Be Done.
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5. Let Go. There is a time to quit. We don’t always know when it is. It can be gut-wrenching because we care so deeply. It can be maddening because we are so angry about what happened. But when we are powerless, there comes a time when we must walk away.
It’s a little bit like
forgiveness. Failing to let go (or forgive) is like taking poison and
expecting the other person to die. Forgiveness is giving up our “right”
to hit back. We have suffered a great wrong. We finally work through
our anger, fears, and control issues to the point that we can trust the
universe...or God as we understand him (or her!)...or society to take
care of things simply because we are both powerless and tired.
God, grant me the serenity to
Accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can, and
The wisdom to know the difference!
–Reinhold Niebuhr
To your freedom! To your peace of mind! Let it go.
As I promised, I will offer one pointer
each day over the next few weeks for “What to do when nothing can be
done.” Check the other entries or archives for what you might have
missed. When school begins again in January, I will turn the focus to
schools.
Lockett Learning offers a wide array of
resources to help you and your children deal with grief. Thursday and
Friday, we will offer our Kindle book Understanding Grief in Children as a free download. Saturday and Sunday, we will offer a free download of our Kindle book 6 Questions Children Ask About Death.
Check out our grief-related Hard Copy Books and Tapes:
Check out our grief-related E-Books:
“Like” our Divorce and Grief Recovery Facebook Page.
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