When our hearts are broken, we feel so powerless. Nothing can be done to change our circumstances. But some things can be done to change us.
Our nation’s hearts are broken because of the tragedy that occurred last week at Sandy Hook Elementary School. As I promised, I will offer one pointer each day over the next few weeks for “What to do when nothing can be done.” Check the other entries or archives for what you might have missed. When school begins again in January, I will turn the focus to schools.
What to Do When Nothing Can Be Done.
3. Talk. Okay, okay, it’s true. Some of us talk too much. Others are repulsed by those to do so they don’t talk at all. Both extremes are unhealthy. But...until the pain comes out, healing cannot come in. Find safe people, and talk about your circumstances, your feelings, and your fears.
We all have friends who were hurting and said awful things to us. They got us all riled up and emotional. Then they walked away feeling better and we were left with their pain. This isn’t “talking;” this is “dumping.” Don’t “dump” on your friends. Do that on paper and throw it away. But do talk.
When you talk, you are honest about your pain. Tears may flow. When you dump, you are angry about your pain and want others to hurt with and for you.
When you talk, you cry heart tears. When you dump, you cry head tears.
When you talk, you make yourself vulnerable and admit your own short-comings. When you dump, you make yourself sound perfect and the other guy is 100% guilty. In our Divorce and Grief Recovery program, we tell people, “You own 100% of your guilt, even if it was only 5% of the problem. You own 0% of the guilt that belongs to the other guy. Don’t get them confused.”
Grief recovery classes will help you with healthy “talking.” You are grouped with people going through similar situations and they guide you with discussion and journal topics. Find a class near you!
So move quickly from the head to the heart! Talk! Talk! Talk!
Lockett Learning offers a wide array of resources to help you and your children deal with grief. Thursday and Friday, we will offer our Kindle book Understanding Grief in Children as a free download.
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