Freedom Isn't

A few years ago I was privileged to travel to another country.  Every time our tour guide began to talk, strangers would join our group.  I thought that was a little bit odd…even a little bit rude.  I might stand near another group’s tour guide and “eavesdrop” to hear part of the information for one or two items…but to join another group wouldn’t be, in my mind, appropriate or ethical.  It happened at every stop.  Toward the end of the tour, I mentioned it to a fellow traveler…and learned they weren’t tourists.  Those who visited our group at every stop were the Secret Police.

We Americans will never truly understand what it is like not to be free.  I hope, though, that we value our freedom and that we understand the high price that was paid to gain it.   

I hate the fact that we protest; I hate it when we exploit the weaknesses of our leaders; I hate the back-stabbing political campaigns.  But I would fight with my life to defend my right to do it.

 

For our freedom, thank a Veteran…and thank the families of the veterans who didn’t make it home.

God Bless America.  Happy 4^th of July.

To Fathers...and To FATHERS!

Happy Fathers Day, Dads!  Happy Fathers Day, "Heart Fathers."  Happy Fathers Day Mothers who are doing double duty.  May life bring you blessings greater than you can imagine.

I work with high risk students and adults during troubled times in their lives.  I often hear young men say, "I'm afraid to have children.  I don't get along with my dad; he didn't get along with his dad; his dad didn't get along with his dad."

Family dysfunction.  It exists.

But...patterns in your family can be broken.  Many of those young men faced their family issues and are amazing dads today...loving, involved dads who both cherish and "get along" with their children...in good times and in bad.

I saw my Dad only twice; I was 13.  Then he died.  My grandfather and my Uncle Alton were my heart fathers. Every Fathers Day I had the dilemma of finding the right card.  Those reading "from your little girl" just weren't appropriate, but the sentiment was.  I love them both; I cherish them both; I celebrate them not just on Fathers Day but every day of my life.

I never really knew my biological dad, but I am doubly blessed because I had two men who are my "heart fathers."

If your biological father and heart father is the same person, you are blessed.  Thank God.

Who do you celebrate on Fathers Day...and why?  If you wrote a Father's Day card sentiment, what would it say?

Have You Noticed?

Have you noticed that we're persons of extremes?

As a young mother, I experienced a period of life crises:  4 major deaths in my family, one of them my infant son, and a divorce.  Sadly, it is so traumatic to lose a child that 80% of couples separate within one year; most of those end in divorce.  I became that statistic.  I thought my life was over.

My counselor said I needed to give of myself in love.  He asked me who I was loving, and I named my son Jeff.  He and I literally started life over, just the two of us.  My counselor's response was, "Yes, and you're smothering the poor child!"

He was right.  I was so broken over losing one son that I almost destroyed the other.  I am grateful for his wise counsel and for the fact that he helped me to open myself up to life again.

When we don't find balance or peace, we tend to react to what hasn't been 100% effective, throw it out, and embrace it's opposite:

1. Do we teach Phonics or Word Recognition?  Duh!  Both!  Some words can't be sounded out; there are too many words to recognize them all.  Yet we bounce from one extreme to the other.
2. Are we college prep or career?  Duh!  Both!  Every child should graduate from our high schools with both the ability to go to the college or university of their choice and with a sell-able skill.  Yet we bounce from one extreme to the other.
3. Do we protect our children from life or let them learn for themselves?  Duh!  Both!  If we hold on too tight, we fill them with our own insecurities and thwart their growth.  If we hold too loosely, they feel insecure because they have no boundaries...thus no point of reference.  Yet we bounce from one extreme to the other.
4. Do we stay in a job that doesn't fulfill us or embrace our passion?  Duh!  Both!  If we simply quit that job to find our passion, we can't fulfill our current responsibilities.  We are rarely successful with our passion if we are irresponsible.  If we work a job that doesn't challenge and excite us, we lose passion for life.  We must find balance.  Marriages have ended over this issue!  Yet we bounce from one extreme to the other.
5. The list goes on...

How have you found balance in your life?  In your work?
How have you found peace between your passion and your responsibilities?

I'd love to hear from you.

Memories and Blessings

When you think of your mother, do you have regrets?  I do.  Fortunately, I was able to resolve most of my regrets before my mother died.  You see, I spent much of my childhood trying to change her.  She was a victim of polio and it showed in many little ways.  She struggled to walk and sometimes looked...well, not like the mothers of my friends.  I saw her faults, and it embarrassed me.

When I quit trying to change her and began seeing the amazing woman she was, I realized how deeply I love her.

My book Surviving Separation and Divorce is dedicated to her:

  She survived polio in her early years when polio claimed lives.
    She survived divorce in days when it stigmatized her faith.
      She single-parented three daughters when women didn't work.

Much of what I have learned about survival came from her.
  Much of what I believe about hope in the midst of heartache, she lived.

I had to grow up a little to realize that I couldn't change her...and it wasn't my job.  The only person I can change is me.  The only person I am responsible for changing is me.  My job in the lives of others...mothers, children, students, friends...is to love them.  It is within the context of love that we have the power to change ourselves.

In the aftermath of my own divorce, my therapist suggested I love my high school students.  My teaching will never be the same.  Love is the true language of the classroom.  Love is what helps students grow, learn, and change.  

My motto for working with at-risk students is, "Everyone deserves a pushy parent.  If they don't have one, you're it!"  

Happy Mother's Day in Heaven to a one-of-a-kind mother...one who truly loved me, even when I was unlovable.  May your work with others be filled with love.  May you always envision the amazing person they are becoming and overlook the flaws they have to fix as they grow.