When our
hearts are broken, we feel so powerless. Nothing can be done to change
our circumstances. But some things can be done to change us.
Our nation’s hearts are broken because
of the tragedy that occurred last week at Sandy Hook Elementary School.
As I promised, I will offer one pointer each day over the next few
weeks for “What to do when nothing can be done.” Check the other
entries or archives for what you might have missed. When school begins
again in January, I will turn the focus to schools.
What to Do When Nothing Can Be Done.
3. Talk.
Okay, okay, it’s true. Some of us talk too much. Others are repulsed
by those to do so they don’t talk at all. Both extremes are unhealthy.
But...until the pain comes out, healing cannot come in. Find safe
people, and talk about your circumstances, your feelings, and your
fears.
We all have friends who
were hurting and said awful things to us. They got us all riled up and
emotional. Then they walked away feeling better and we were left with
their pain. This isn’t “talking;” this is “dumping.” Don’t “dump” on
your friends. Do that on paper and throw it away. But do talk.
When you talk, you are honest about your pain. Tears may flow. When you dump, you are angry about your pain and want others to hurt with and for you.
When you talk, you cry heart tears. When you dump, you cry head tears.
When you talk, you make yourself vulnerable and admit your own short-comings. When you dump, you
make yourself sound perfect and the other guy is 100% guilty. In our
Divorce and Grief Recovery program, we tell people, “You own 100% of
your guilt, even if it was only 5% of the problem. You own 0% of the
guilt that belongs to the other guy. Don’t get them confused.”
Grief
recovery classes will help you with healthy “talking.” You are grouped
with people going through similar situations and they guide you with
discussion and journal topics. Find a class near you!
So move quickly from the head to the heart! Talk! Talk! Talk!
Lockett Learning offers a wide array of
resources to help you and your children deal with grief. Thursday and
Friday, we will offer our Kindle book Understanding Grief in Children as a free download.
Check out our grief-related Hard Copy Books and Tapes:
Check out our grief-related E-Books:
“Like” our Divorce and Grief Recovery Facebook Page.
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