Yes, I'm Entitled...

My young grandson summoned me on the playground the other day to report that one of his playmates had called him a name.  I said, "Did you tell him we don't call people names?"  He responded, "I thought maybe you could do that for me."

Enter entitlement.  We hear so much about our entitled and spoiled generation.  People speculate that it's because we give them so much materially.  I think it's much bigger than that. 

I think one big reason our children feel wrongly "entitled" is because we fight all their battles for them so they never learn to negotiate life for themselves.

Codependency...that's the word.  Here is my "nutshell" version:

We are keeping our acquaintances (children, friends, parents, spouses, employees...) dependent on us in a sick way when we do for them what they can and should do for themselves.  So ask yourselves:

Can they do it themselves?
Should they do it themselves?

If the answer to both of those questions is yes, we must let go and allow them to learn from...and suffer the consequences of...their actions.

If the answer to either question is no, they need our help.  Our help may be doing it for them; it may be teaching them how to do it themselves.

Now, back to my grandson.  Was he being victimized?  No.  Was there other abuse involved?  No.  It was a friendly playground spat.  My job, then, was to empower him to speak for himself.  Had victimization or abuse been involved, "Grandma Bear" would have roared!  When he can and should learn to handle these situations, "Loving Grandma Mentor" will teach him how.

And, by the way, he is entitled.  I'm "entitled," too.

We're entitled to work hard for a living.

We're entitled to reap what we sow.

We're entitled to learn from our mistakes.

We're  entitled to be treated with respect.

We're entitled to make a fair wage for our work.

Yes, come to think of it, we all are entitled.

When it comes to parenting, a friend of mine gave me a visual I have never forgotten.  He said, "If we do our job (as parents) well, they leave home, and we cry."

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